Asking questions that open the conversation up

Questions are the most visible tool a coach has, and the easiest to overuse. A useful question does not have to be clever. It has to leave the client thinking about something they had not quite considered, in their own terms.

What useful questions have in common

• They are open. They begin with what, how, or who, and cannot be answered with yes or no.
• They are short. One question at a time, without a preamble that explains why you are asking.
• They follow the client. They use the client's words and pick up what the client just said, rather than the next item on your list.
• They point forward or inward. They invite the client to look at what they want, what they believe or what they might do, rather than collecting background for the coach.

Habits that close a conversation down

Stacked questions. What would that look like, and how would your team react, and is that realistic? The client answers the last one and the first is lost. Ask one, then wait.

Leading questions. Have you thought about talking to your manager? is advice with a question mark. If you have an idea worth sharing, offer it openly as an observation and let the client decide what to do with it.

Why questions that sound like judgement. Why did you do that? can feel like a demand for justification. What was important to you in that moment? usually reaches the same place more gently.

Information gathering. Questions about the details of a situation help the coach understand it, but they rarely help the client. If the client already knows the answer, consider whether you need it.

Experiments for your next session

1. Count your words. After asking a question, notice how many words you used. Aim to halve it.
2. Wait three breaths. When the client stops talking, pause before you speak. Often they continue.
3. Use their word. When the client uses a word with energy — stuck, finally, should — ask about that word.
4. Ask what else. What else? is one of the simplest questions there is, and it regularly produces the most important answer.

Using your feedback

Your feedback report counts the questions you asked, separates open from closed ones, and lists examples in your own words. Use it to pick one habit to change, then compare the next report. Small, deliberate experiments add up faster than trying to change everything at once.

For the formal description of how questioning fits into the competencies, see the ICF website and our summary of evoking awareness.